god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
