I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
