would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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