I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
