First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's rum buckets o'clock
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
