I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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