so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
