Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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