there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
