We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
