White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
