Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
