he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Vodka?
Forever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
