i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
