Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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