i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
