Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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