Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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