I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
