and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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