He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
