Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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