I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
