Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
