Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
