i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
