Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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