she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
