I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
