I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
