he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
