I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Damn victory sex feels great
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
