Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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