i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
