Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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