I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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