JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
