she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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