I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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