Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
