Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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