Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
