He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
