Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
