I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
