This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
