i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
