My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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