I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
