Well apparently he's into motor boating.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
