Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
