so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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